September 18th 2024.
Do you ever feel like you're back in school again when trying to make new friends as an adult? I know I do. It can be tough, especially when you're a mum trying to make friends at your child's school. That's why I'm here, Em Clarkson, Metro's agony aunt, to help you with all your problems. This week, I'll be giving some sound advice on how to make friends at the school gates and navigating the expectations of caring for an elderly parent. So, let's dive into some reader conundrums and see what advice I have for you.
One reader wrote in saying they're struggling to make mum friends at their son's new school. While their son has settled in well, they haven't been as lucky and are desperate to find some mates. They've been having a hard time at the school gates, feeling like everyone has already formed their own friendships. I completely understand how tough this can be. As a mum, I don't have many mum friends either, and it can feel like a daunting task to try and make them. My advice would be to channel your son's confidence. He's already made friends, so why not try to emulate that? Most people are good and crave the company of others, so I'm sure you're not the only one feeling this way. It may feel like you're back in school and the popular mums are about to pull your hair, but I have faith that if you strike up a conversation with one of them, you'll be met with warmth.
Do you have a question for Em Clarkson? Well, as Metro's agony aunt, I'm here to help. While I'm no substitute for therapy, I'm always happy to listen and offer some advice. With over 300,000 followers on Instagram and a reputation for being honest, I often receive questions in my DMs. Now, I want to do the same for our readers at Metro. So, don't hesitate to email me with any questions or concerns.
And remember, while your first attempt at making friends may not result in a BFF, keep yourself open to possibilities. Whether it's at the school gates or local kids' classes, your people will find you. I know it can be intimidating, and I don't want to undermine your feelings, but just know that everyone was in your shoes at one point. No one is as confident as we think they are, and you have every right to be there and put yourself out there. A big smile can go a long way, and I have no doubt it will pay off for you soon.
Now, let's move on to another reader's question. They're struggling to talk to their siblings about caring for their elderly mother. After a recent fall, it's become clear that their mother needs more help. They've been trying to set up a schedule with their brothers to take turns checking on their mother, but they've been met with resistance. One brother insists their mother is fine, while the other is too busy and suggests moving her into a home. The reader is feeling frustrated and angry as the only daughter, they feel like it's falling on them to take care of their mother. Their husband suggests they wait for their brothers to step up, but the reader doesn't want to take that risk with their mother's wellbeing at stake.
My heart goes out to this reader. As a daughter and a feminist, I understand the frustration and anger they must be feeling. It's an all-too-common story of caring responsibilities falling on the daughter. It's a result of the patriarchal idea that women are the primary caregivers in the family. It's a tough situation, and I completely validate their feelings. However, I think the first step is to make peace with who their brothers are. Holding onto resentment will only hurt the reader in the end. It's not easy, but accepting their brothers' shortcomings and not expecting anything more from them emotionally will save them from disappointment. I also don't agree with the husband's suggestion to wait for the brothers to take action. It's not a risk worth taking. Instead, I suggest the reader leans into the matriarchal role they've been forced into and gets bossy with their brothers. Make it personal, and don't be afraid to call them out on their laziness. You have a responsibility to your mother, and it's time for your brothers to step up.
I know this is a heavy burden to carry, and it's okay to be exhausted. Don't be afraid to seek help from a therapist and take some time for yourself. It's important to have someone to lean on during this tough time. And to all our readers, if you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to reach out to me. I'm here to listen and offer some advice. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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