September 21st 2024.
I never imagined that teaching women to be confident about their vulvas would become a part of my long-term career. Yet, there I was, standing in front of one hundred women, watching as their expressions transformed from shock to curiosity, and eventually, to smiles and even applause. What caused such a reaction, you may ask? A photograph of a vulva made out of pastry.
You see, I am an adult sex educator and coach, and on this particular occasion, I was giving a talk at a wellness event about the importance of women embracing their vulvas. This may seem like a strange topic to some, but it is a crucial one. Many people use the term "vagina" to refer to the entire female genital area, when in fact, the vagina is just the internal canal. The external part that we see is the vulva. Correcting this terminology may seem insignificant, but it is an important step in correcting the misinformation and shame surrounding this part of the female body.
Unfortunately, our society has a tendency to use slang terms when referring to the vulva, many of which are derogatory and disrespectful. This speaks volumes about our cultural attitudes towards this body part. From a young age, women are taught to feel ashamed of their vulvas, believing that they are ugly and unpleasant. This is further perpetuated by the fact that many women have never even seen another woman's vulva in real life, aside from the narrow representation shown in mainstream pornography.
But as an ex-striptease artist, I have had the opportunity to see thousands of vulvas in all their diverse and beautiful forms. I was initially quite shy and self-conscious, but curiosity led me to take a course at a striptease school. This boosted my confidence and eventually, led me to pursue it as a career. During my time as a dancer, I saw more vulvas than I could have ever imagined. They came in all shapes, sizes, and colors – long, short, smooth, scalloped, butterfly-shaped, and even ones that could be tied in a knot!
Yet, despite their differences, I never saw an audience react with disgust or disapproval. In fact, I often received compliments on my own vulva and learned to be proud of it. Little did I know that this experience would lead me to a new career as a life coach, specializing in helping women with their sex lives.
One woman in particular stands out in my memory. She was turning 40 and felt like she was running out of time to enjoy sex, even though she had many interests and desires she wanted to explore. But first, she needed to boost her confidence. She confided in me that she hated the look of her vulva and couldn't fathom why anyone would want to be near it. Through our work together, we uncovered the root of these negative feelings and replaced them with neutral and eventually, positive ones.
It's not just about personal confidence, but also about how these beliefs can affect relationships. Harbouring such negative thoughts about their own vulvas can create rifts in intimate relationships, causing women to feel self-conscious and disconnected from their partners. This is why teaching women to embrace their vulvas and feel confident about them is such an important aspect of my work.
So, the next time someone asks me what I do for a living, I may get some raised eyebrows when I mention teaching vulva confidence. But to me, it's a crucial part of helping women feel empowered and comfortable in their own skin. And that, to me, is worth all the shocked faces and gasps in the world.
It's funny how life can take us on unexpected paths. I never would have guessed that teaching vulva confidence would become a major part of my career. But here I am, standing in front of a group of one hundred women, witnessing their initial shock and disbelief as I delve into this topic. As the minutes pass, I see the shock slowly turning into curiosity, and then finally, a few brave souls even break out into applause.
It's a strange reaction, I know. But there's a reason for it. I had just shown them a photograph of a vulva made out of pastry. Yes, you heard that right. I am an adult sex educator and coach, and on this particular occasion, I was giving a talk at a wellness event about the importance of women embracing and loving their vulvas.
First things first, let's clear up a common misconception. The word "vagina" is often used incorrectly. You see, the vagina is actually the internal canal, while the external female genitalia is known as the vulva. I often have to correct this terminology in my work because when something is continuously mislabeled, it becomes susceptible to misinformation and shame.
It's no wonder then that we have so many slang terms for this body part – more than any other, in fact. Some are endearing, like "muff" or "twinkle" or "foo-foo". But others are downright derogatory, such as "axe-wound", "gash", or "growler". What does it say about our society's attitude towards the vulva when we can't even use the correct word for it?
The sad truth is that women are conditioned to feel shame and disgust towards this part of their body from a young age. They are told that it looks unattractive and smells unpleasant. And for many heterosexual women, they have never even seen another woman's vulva in real life. The closest they may have come is through mainstream pornography, which typically only shows one type – hairless, pink, and "neat".
But the reality is that vulvas come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and they are all beautiful in their own way. How do I know this? Well, I've seen thousands of them. You see, in my twenties and thirties, I worked as a striptease artist in London. And let me tell you, it was quite an eye-opening experience.
During each stage show, my fellow dancers and I would strip down to our birthday suits. This was a big deal for me, as I used to be the kind of girl who wouldn't even undress in front of her best friends. But my curiosity led me to take a course at a striptease school, and it did wonders for my self-confidence. Eventually, I decided to make a career out of it.
On my very first shift, I saw more vulvas than I had ever seen in my entire life. Up until then, I had only seen my own. I was struck by how different they all were – some were pale pink and neat, like the ones in porn, but others were dusky and dark, pale purple, brown, golden, fuchsia, and even cream-colored.
The diversity didn't stop there. I saw vulvas with long and short "lips", some with smooth edges and others with scalloped edges. I even remember one dancer who had labia so long she could tie a knot in them! And yet, despite all these variations, I never saw an audience member turn away with a look of disgust. In fact, I was regularly told that my vulva was beautiful, and I learned to be proud of it.
After retiring from striptease and training as a life coach, I had a woman come to me for help with her sex life. She was turning 40 and felt like she was running out of time to explore her interests and curiosities. But before she could do that, she needed to boost her confidence. One of the things that bothered her was that she hated the look of her vulva and couldn't understand why anyone would want to be near it.
Together, we worked through her negative feelings and replaced them with neutral and eventually positive ones. It's amazing how something as simple as hating the way your vulva looks can create such deep insecurities and even cause rifts in relationships.
So that's how I ended up on this unexpected path of teaching vulva confidence. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. It's fulfilling to see women embrace and love their bodies, no matter what they may look like. And as for that pastry vulva? Well, let's just say it served its purpose in sparking some much-needed conversation and breaking down societal taboos.
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