(1) Friendships can last for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. This remains the most enduring truth I’ve learnt about friendships. Some bonds are incredibly intense and short. They work phenomenally well for a period of time and then just fade away with a change in circumstance.
Others last an entire season of our life before inexplicably fading away.
And some others manage to survive many seasons, go through some inevitable ebbs and flows, and endure.
We don’t choose our families, but we do choose our friends. It takes both sides to consciously make a choice to make a friendship work – especially in the absence of proximity. We must do the work to earn our friendships – but we must also understand that they won’t all last. That understanding alone helps us find peace.
(2) Proximity first, structures next. Our ability to build strong relationships – any relationship – is a function of time and attention. It is why proximity helps. In the long run, the health of a relationship is proportional to the amount of the time spent in person and the strength of the memories created. Proximity solves for one half of that equation and makes it easy to solve for the other half.
In the absence of proximity, structures that help us invest in the relationship go a long way. Structure include monthly video call or yearly reunions. The more memorable the reunion, the better.
Maintaining such structure takes effort. It is why friendships fade away with time – see (1).
(3) Letting the small things go. Our biggest aide in maintaining lasting friendships is our ability to let the small things go.
Small grievances that we hold onto have a way of compounding in our minds and destroying relationships. Like all good things, friendships take significantly more time to build and maintain than to destroy.
