November 22nd 2024.
This week, I have the pleasure of sharing the story of Taylor, a 27-year-old queer person living in London. Taylor works as a barista and is currently in recovery for porn addiction. They have been struggling with a compulsive relationship with sex for many years, often using it as a way to cope with difficult emotions. However, they have recently decided to make a change and are now on a 12-step recovery program for their addiction.
In this week's edition of How I Do It, Taylor opens up about their journey towards exploring intimacy without the use of pornography. They share their personal experiences with sex and how it has been a means of seeking comfort and distraction from the world around them. But now, they want to change that and have a healthier relationship with sex – one that is based on communication, intimacy, and emotional connection.
Taylor's first ever date is coming up on Thursday, and they are both excited and nervous. They have been speaking to someone on a dating app and feel a connection due to their shared interests in music and theatre. Despite never having been on a date before, Taylor sees this as an advantage because they now have a better understanding of themselves and what they want in a relationship.
In preparation for the date, Taylor makes a list of things they want to avoid – not from a negative standpoint, but as a way of setting boundaries for themselves. These boundaries include not having sex on the first date and avoiding any promiscuous or sexual conversations. Taylor explains that this is not because they are prude, but because they have a history of compulsive behavior towards sex and want to make sure they approach this date with communication and behavioral boundaries in place.
As someone who has been in recovery for four years, Taylor knows the importance of setting boundaries and avoiding triggers. They have recently slipped back into old habits due to stress and are determined to make changes in their digital habits to maintain their recovery. Additionally, Taylor wants to change their relationship with sex from a compulsive act to one that is based on connection and healthy communication.
Taylor's ultimate goal is to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life that is an extension of their morals and principles. They want to be present in the moment and have an emotional connection with their partner, something that they have not experienced before. As they embark on their first date, Taylor is hopeful and determined to make positive changes in their life.
Hi there! Welcome to "How I Do It," a series where we give you an inside look at the sex life of a stranger over the course of seven days. This week, we're hearing from Taylor, a 27-year-old queer person who works as a barista in London. Taylor has never been on a date before, always opting for casual sex or hookups, and is currently in recovery for a porn addiction.
Taylor's relationship with sex has been compulsive, using it as a crutch to cope with difficult days. However, they have now entered a 12-step recovery program for their porn and anonymous sex habits. "It's something I turn to when I'm feeling low, often done anonymously through chat or hookup apps," Taylor explains.
They were first introduced to porn at the young age of 10 and used it as a way to escape from bullying at school. "At the time, it felt safe and comforting, but I didn't realize the damaging effects of watching explicit content at such a young age," they share.
But Taylor is determined to make a change and is working towards exploring intimacy without the use of pornography. "I want my sex life to align with my morals and values: kind, communicative, intimate, and slow. I want it to be a connected experience where I can be fully present, rather than using it as a distraction," they add.
They also hope to shift their mindset around sex from a compulsion to a choice. To start, they have decided to go on their first proper date. So, without further ado, here's how Taylor's week went...
Monday:
I have a date on Thursday, my very first one. I can't help but think about the perfect opening line. After much deliberation, I decide to keep it casual and true to myself. I already have my outfit picked out, something that represents my style and personality.
It's been 10 months since I first downloaded dating apps, and I'm talking to someone who seems interesting. We share similar interests in music and theater, which gives me hope. Despite never having been on a date before, I see it as an advantage because I know myself better now as an adult.
Today, I make a list of things I want to avoid on this date, not from a negative perspective, but as a way to protect myself. These are personal boundaries, such as not being judgmental, gossiping, or being too vulnerable too soon. The top priority is to not have sex.
Tuesday:
My list has grown, and I've added more items like "no innuendos" and "no suggestive conversation." Let me make it clear, I am not a prude. However, I have had a history of compulsive behavior when it comes to sex, and I want to make sure I have clear communication and boundaries around anything related to it. That's all I can control.
I've been in recovery for sex and pornography addiction for four years now, and it's what led me to seek connections without sex being the main focus. One thing I want from this date is to practice having an emotional connection with someone and getting to know them. It may sound simple, but I lead a pretty isolated life. I live alone and tend to do things on my own, or with friends and family. I've never experienced it in a romantic setting, so I want to give myself a chance to do so.
In the past, I would often meet someone for the first time and end up sleeping with them that same night, or even within the hour. While it can be exhilarating, it's not something I want for my future. It's up to me to break that pattern, and this date is a great step towards that.
Wednesday:
As an addict, watching porn is one of my off-limits behaviors, but I've slipped up recently due to stress. Last night, I acted out by watching porn and compulsively masturbating.
I reach out to a friend from my recovery program, and we talk through some of my triggers and what I can do to set boundaries around my digital habits, especially in the evenings. When it comes to sex, I want it to be a healthy form of connection and communication, rather than something I feel compelled to do to soothe myself.
[This article has been trending online recently and has been generated with AI. Your feed is customized.]
[Generative AI is experimental.]
