October 4th 2023.
When I saw my daughter Maria for the first time, I felt a sense of purpose and responsibility. We were both in our early 20s when my then-girlfriend fell pregnant. Things were passionate at first, but eventually the relationship became volatile and ended just before our daughter's first birthday.
My ex then announced her intention to find a new partner, not just for herself but also for Maria. I was astounded; to me, it was unthinkable that a person could lose their child for no reason other than the whim of the other parent. We went to court and she retained primary custody, but the judge ordered provision for contact between my daughter and me, two days per week.
After a year of visiting with Maria, I noticed she had bruises on her arm. When I asked her what had happened, she told me a boyfriend of her mother had hit her. I reported it to the police and social services right away and filed for a change of custody in the family courts. My ex was enraged and cut off all contact between Maria and me.
The weeks without seeing my daughter turned into months, and then years. I was devastated. I contacted Maria's maternal grandparents, asking them to pass on letters I had written to her mother, begging her to let me see my daughter. But she had moved house and disappeared.
Years later, I found my daughter online and sent her a message. She was 12 years old. I was overjoyed when she responded with ‘Dad? Is that you?’ We continued to chat online, but her mother kept closing her accounts. Eventually, my daughter stopped responding to my messages.
I was discouraged, but I had hope. I kept trying to contact her, sending messages to her friends to pass on to her. When she told me to stop, I felt bereft at losing my daughter for a second time.
Then, when she turned 18, I sent Maria a plane ticket for her to come and visit me. I was so excited to see her, to finally be reunited after all these years.
But she never came.
I still haven’t seen my daughter since that day. I still don’t know why she never took me up on my offer. All I can do is keep hoping and praying that one day I’ll be able to see her again.
When I first saw my daughter Maria, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of purpose and love. We were both in our early twenties when her mother, my then-girlfriend, fell pregnant. Maria was a beautiful, tiny new person and I was determined to take care of her.
Unfortunately, our relationship ended shortly before Maria’s first birthday. My ex then announced that she intended to find a new partner - not only for herself, but also someone to be a father to Maria. I was astounded; it seemed unthinkable that a person could lose their child for no reason other than the whim of the other parent.
We went to family court, where my ex was granted primary custody and I was given provision for contact with Maria, two days a week. She wasn't happy with the outcome, but generally followed the terms. I could finally spend time with my daughter, which was all I wanted.
Then one day, when I collected Maria from her mother’s house, I noticed bruises on her arm. When I asked her what had happened, she said a boyfriend of her mother had hit her. I made reports to the police and social services immediately, and filed for change of custody in the family courts the next day.
My ex was enraged and cut off all contact between my daughter and me. The family court judge fined her several times and even jailed her for a brief time, but she was determined to sever contact between us. Weeks turned into months, then into years, and I was devastated.
Eventually, I started to look for my daughter online and found her on a social media site when she was 12. We exchanged a few messages and I sent her a plane ticket for her to visit me, but then her messages stopped. I assumed her mother was turning her against me.
Years later, when she was 18, I received a message from my daughter. I was filled with hope and joy, but sadly it was not to be. She told me that she did not want me to contact her friends and that she no longer wanted to talk to me. I was bereft at losing my daughter for a second time.
Words can’t describe the sense of loss and helplessness I felt. I had spent years searching for my daughter, and I had finally found her. But the dream of having a relationship with her was not to be.
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